two years later....

wow. it has been forever since i have written in here.
and everyone reads myspace blogs, so this is nice.
basically life is crazy.
there are always so many things i want to say to people, but don't have the courage or the heart to say.
and there are so many times when i want to stand up for myself and what i believe in, but don't because i don't want to be a party pooper or something lame like that. i mean i know it shouldn't matter, because after all, if im around people who are my friends, it shouldn't matter right? my opinion should be just as good as theirs right? bah. in my mind not so much.
the other night i had to deal with a situation i NEVER thought i would have to deal with. espeically with the people it involved. and i guess i handled it fine. but it just made me loose so much respect for them, and myself. not because i had done anything wrong, but because i let them do something completely illegal, and just stupid. sure, its great to let loose and have a little fun once in a while, but come on, you don't need things like that the help you have fun. and then because im sarah, i act like they are all still the greatest people in the world. and because they are my friends i don't judge them. and don't scold them like i wish i could.
and then there is the stupid boys.
why can't they just dissappear? at least from my life. or better yet, how about an amazing one comes along and sweeps me off my feet, takes me to a foreign country and we fall in love forever. no friends allowed to steal his attention away, and have him fall in love with her instead.

i am so ready for this year to be OVER. and i am so ready to get away from this town, and go away for a couple of years.

here you go katie, an update just for you :D haha

so, i guess life is going okay. theres a few bumps in the road here and there, but i guess if there weren't, it wouldn't be as good. they make things more interesting each day, give my mind more things to think about.
im turing 17 in twelve days. wow, i feel so freaking old. it seems like it was just yesterday that i was sitting on the bus with my best friend sammi and her sister tiffany. we were talking about how tiffany was going to seventh grade, and how it was going to take FOREVER for us to get there. well, hello being a junior in high school. its kind of just flown in and hit me over the head as quick as a blink of an eye. the past two years of my life have gone by so fast, and i know the next two will go by even faster. im starting to have to make adult like descions, and it scares me. of course my mom is right there with me helping me to make the right one, but whats going to happen when shes not there, and im obliged to make all these tough descions on topics in which im uniformed, myself? scary. ive learned so much lately about myself, and how much ive changed. and im not gonna lie, some of the things ive learned, and some of the things ive realized, ive come to hate. but then again, some of the things ive come to love.
next school year is coming so fast, and im not ready. ap is already starting to suck, and its not even september yet. im probably not going to have much of a life, but i figure that will just make the time that i do get to spend with my friends all that more precious. i intend on becoming close friends with textbooks this year. hopefully i will get the chance to be in both shows and perhaps jazz, making my year better than if i didn't have those things to take me away for a few hours each day. acting is just my way of realeasing stress and tension i build up during the day. and not many people understand that. but it gives me a chance to just be someone else, and not worry about homework, or family problems, or anything else but what the person i get to be for three or so hours likes, loves, and wants to get done. its just an amazing feeling.
and then theres the boys. ugh stupid boys. ive been basically talking about the same boy for three years now. hes pretty awesome. and hes finally over me, but the thing is, im not so sure that im really over him. i told him i was, but was i? i dont think i so. hes got a girlfriend, and hes pretty happy with her. and we've been spending more time together, just us, and its not akward because theres not that whole "i like you, you like me" thing, but i dunno, since ive gotten to REALLY know him, and not just the guy that liked me, it seems like im wanting more and more what i cant have. and it sucks. and i dont know what to do, do i tell him? or do i keep it to myself. im pretty sure he doesn't feel the same way i do, but how would i know for sure? im pretty sure he doesn't know i still like him, so could he be doing the same thing to me that im doing to him? being "happy" so the other person doesn't know whats really going on in your head? blah. ill never know unless i talk to him about it. i mean you always hear about those people that had their high school best friends of the opposite sex, and were secretly in love with eachother, but neither one wanted to tell, and then they went off and got married to differnt people, and later on learned the truth, and i dont wanna be one of those people, but then again, how many times does that REALLY happen?

okay well. im done for now.
<3
sarah

so, its summer.
and, well i guess its going pretty good.
i got my first job, and ive been taking drivers ed.
not all that exciting, but a nice break from school.
and as ive been learning to drive, ive realized how much i hate that fact that ive never really had a dad, and now when i need it the most, theres not really anyone there to fill the hole. i mean sure, ive got dave, but its not the same. i dunno, it just is hard sometimes to see my friends with their dads having a great time, and having them be all protective of them, not wanting them to get hurt, and i dont have that.
but anyways,
its soo hot outside.
and myspace is being dumb.
<33

well, its been a while.
i'm about to go to dinner, but i thought i would just write something, and add more later on.
sounds like a plan to me!

<3